A Ton O' Bricks

Have I mentioned that I have asthma? Why would I? Boring subject huh? Sad fact is I do and, well, it has decided to hit me like a ton of bricks. If it does not ease on Monday, I will hafta go out to the base hospital and have a breathing treatment. Gee, like I do not have anything ELSE to do!! No fun...and I am just feeling cruddy and crappy and don't like myself much tonight! Have you ever just had one of those days? Weeks? Months? Milleniums? *sigh* I need to do a really good housecleaning and all the wrapping and put the laundry away (I *did* get it washed and dried today but that is as far as I got!). We need to bake and do the gingerbread house. I am supposed to go to a party this week and have absolutely no desire to be festive. At least for now...I hope this feeling will pass soon. I missed a really nice musical performance at church this morning, then missed lunch and a movie with Grace, Mom and my buddy TH. She took Mom out though so that was nice. Grace has been trying to be so good to me all day. She can be such a little Florence Nightengale. We watched "The Santa Clause" this afternoon and "The Polar Express" this evening. Good cuddle flicks! Still, I am just feeling awful. Just a "I am sick and sad and need to feel really sorry for myself" day. Don't know why but not being able to breathe makes me depressed. Wonder why? Hm, wait! I KNOW that answer! It is the answers to everything else I do not have! Why do I spend too much money during the holidays? It is NOT about money I know but there I go...Why do I think I need to do that? Then I hate myself for buying into the holiday hype. It is just depression feeding behaviors that continue to feed depression. Calling Dr. Phil...are you just stupid?? Get over yourself lady and DO something about it! Maybe it's "The peri menopause/menopause/lack of sleep/crappy diet/lonely for my husband/need a job/I spend too much money/ lack of air/dealing with a surly 20 something/neighborhood cookie exchange was canceled this year/too much to do in a short amount of time and I feel like a building just came down on top of me...brick by brick by brick...Blues!" Everybody sing...aw come on. You know the words! B.B. King made it famous didn't he? No? Okay, venting period is over. I will gather myself up by the seat of my shabby sweat pants and give myself a razor sharp talking to. See you tomorrow...hopefully I will be done whining and wheezing by then. You can only hope! If I have not run you away screaming hysterically by now, perhaps you will come by for another visit. I will put a kettle of tea on...