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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

You Have To Be Kidding Me!

Let's flashback to Tuesday of last week. I had been to the grocery and spent a bazillion dollars getting all ready for our guests. It was hot and oh so humid. I think the dew point was 194 1/2 % or so, or maybe it was just me. Came home from said grocery and put away a bazillion dollars worth of groceries. At this point I wanted to lie down and have a nap but I, being the brilliant masochist that I am, thought, gee, why don't I go out into the heat/humidity and clean my van! It will be used for chauffeuring our guests around town and it needed a good brush up. So I spend a good hour on it and quit just before I completely dissolved into a puddle of goo. I come in all sweaty and dirty and vile and decide that I will throw the first of the laundry in the washer, have a glass of iced tea and sit down for a bit. After all, I have over 24 hours until my guests arrive. Right? Plenty of time to clean and fluff and bake and cook a few things to put away. RIGHT? I pour the tea, not into the glass but straight onto the floor. Now I need the mop. I am standing there with sweat still running down my face. Oh and there is also that annoying trickle that streams steadily down my spine. You know the one right? Get the picture? No make up, dirty sweats with the torn pocket, barefoot and my hair is plastered to my forehead. Pretty huh? The dirty clothes are in piles all over the kitchen floor, the couch has been stripped of it's cushions and pillows so I can get in there and vacuum up every strand of pet hair. All the beds have been stripped of their sheets, the towels removed from the bathroom for washing and the cleaning accouterments out and at the ready. Now, back to that iced tea puddle slowly spreading in front of my refrigerator. I retrieve the mop and begin. "Kipper! Stop barking! I already have a huge headache. I do not need that!" Kipper does not listen, he is much too busy barking at the people getting out of the car in front of the house. This I do not see...I am blissfully unaware of the impending doom. For a full 1 1/2 minutes more I assume that Kipper is madly barking at a neighbor out for a walk. Sadly, no. The door bell rings. And where is my husband you ask? Working late, which he rarely does, so he can get ahead before our company arrives. After all, we still have over 24 hours. Dan? At a conference in Cincinnati for the day. Grace? Splashing about in our neighbor's lawn sprinkler. We have over 24 hours to go...no worries. The door bell rings again. I head to the door with mop in hand, determining that I need not open the door for anyone but the closest of family or friends due to the condition of the house and my personal appearance. I peek. I see a family of German citizens who my husband has told me were arriving on Wednesday night. This is Tuesday afternoon. I panic. I think I may have blacked out for several seconds. I cuss out my husband. I actually consider NOT opening the door and hiding in that cool, dark near by coat closet. I ask God why! I have been a good girl right? The door bell rings again. That closet looks awfully inviting. I open the door. The next hour is a blur. A sweaty, embarrassing, I do not speak German blur. I do, however, remember calling my husband 5 or 498 times on his office and cell phones. No answer. For 3 1/2 hours no answer. Argh. Only another woman can truly appreciate how awful this was. I survived. The guests survived. Bill? The verdict is still out on that.

42 comments:

Gretchen said...

Tell Bill your heart can be ransomed for fine chocolate and sparkly things. Maybe. You'll just have to see. :)

Sugar Bear said...

Oh my gosh! I cannot even imagine. I hope you are going to get a wonderful piece of jewelry out of this!
Karla

Rosemary said...

You deserve many presents and treats!!!
I think I would have freaked out big time!
I'm sure you did great!
Rosemary

Cindy ~ My Romantic Home said...

OH NO! That is horrible! It's hard to relax after that I bet! Your hubby owes you big time for that!!

Anonymous said...

Oh, my! This sounds like something that could happen to me!! What did you do for all that time with strangers who weren't English speaking? Your dh owes you big time, lol -- maybe a little getaway -- and room service!

Laurie S.
Laurie4567@aol.com

Sandi McBride said...

Did I tell you to take a nap? When you wake up I fully expect Billy Boy to have dinner ready and a lovely piece of jewelry by your plate...
hugs
Sandi

Kathleen Grace said...

Oh my goodness, every hostesses worst nightmare! You are a saint for even opening the door Sue! Some day you will laugh about this story:>)

Andi said...

Truth of the matter is...I would still be in the closet and hubby would still be in the dog house!!!

I'm sure you recovered beautifully and will look back and laugh on "that day"...years from now...yikes!!!

Connie said...

Nuuuuuuuuu, Love Bunny would DEFINITELY NOT have survived that one!! I'd probably kill him with a german dictionary, my little rabbit!!!
Smoochies,
Connie

Shelia said...

Oh you poor thing! I can almost imagine how you must've felt! Honey, I say MAKE HIM PAY!!
Be a redeemed sweetie,
Shelia ;)

Classic Charm said...

Oh my goodness, I would have been in a state of panic for sure, what an awful feeling. Boy, I'm with the others, diamonds are in order for this one! Ha!
Hugs,
Rose

Cheryl Wray said...

Oh my goodness...I would have just about had a breakdown! And they would not have been impressed with my hospitality. :-)

Hope everything is going fine!

FHL said...

Oh my Sue, that IS a nightmare come to life!!! That truly is only meant to happen when we're sleeping, it's not real, and we wake up and life transforms back into normal. Wow!

I don't doubt that you pulled through it with humor and grace though :o) But if there is ever a book of hubby no-no's that would make it in there.

Lisa "Oceandreamer" S. said...

OMG that sounds like something right out of a sitcom script! Oh girl I could picture the entire scene exactly as you described it....down to the trickle down the spine. I would have been mortified to say the least........and I KNOW G would have been in the dog house if that happened here. (and we don't have a dog right now....so he'd have to dwell in another yard entirely)
BUT I am sure you handled it with your natural grace and sense of humor. I mean what else could you do? Hand them a mop and a dust rag maybe?
I hope it's a good visit after all that!
Sorry to be so absent here but you KNOW you are special to me!
XOXOXO

*Jilly* said...

OMG!
I predict a shopping spree at Tiffany's..seriously!

Mary Isabella said...

You handled this so well. I would have gone into the closet and hid. I think alot of pampering is in order...Hugs

Melissa said...

OH my goodness, how awful! I can't even imagine having to open up that door. I'm sure they understood though. I do agree that Bill needs to get you a gift or two! :)

Alice said...

Oh, man, what a disaster. I can't imagine the running around, trying to straighten up while they were standing awkwardly by. And you were already exhausted before they arrived. I guess the only good thing is that, just as all of us can identify and sympathize, the German woman could too.

Holly (Nickname) said...

Hi SQ~
Oh my goodness! You poor thing!! I was LOL the whole time, though...you have a way of making this all so humerous! Is Bill still in the doghouse? YIKES! Bill has a LOT of explaining to do..perhaps a cleaning service for a year would make up for it...this way you won't be caught off guard again!
Now go get a pedi and a mani for now and RELAX!!!
xxxoo Ruth

Holly (Nickname) said...

p.s.- now we know why the dog was barking! Early warning signal... :) xxxooo

Sheila said...

And through it all you kept your wonderful sense of humor! I think we all have been through something like this at one time or another; but it's worse when you can't even explain yourself in German! Did they speak English at all? Does your husband speak German? Anyway, I'm sure it all got sorted out, and something to laugh at now!

Rebecca Ramsey said...

Susie Q! How I feel for you!
Hey, that rhymes!

I'm sure you'll laugh about this for years and years!
After your hubby showers you with presents! And BIG ONES!
Becky

PEA said...

I think I would have hid in the closet and just pretended no one was home! lol Omigosh, I so feel for you because I know what I'm like and what my house is like the day before company arrives...I cringe at the thought of company coming in a day earlier than expected. One of our worst nightmares me thinks! lol Hmmmm Bill is still ALIVE????? hehe xoxo

Penny @ Lavender Hill Studio said...

OH No!! My goodness!!! Well I am sure that you all will be laughing about this someday - in the WAAAAYY distant future. I bet you pulled it off wonderfully though. Bill definately owes you a trip to the North Carolina mountains, right? See you soon? :-)
xo
Penny

Pecos Blue said...

It better be a wonderful piece of jewelry. : )

Daisy Cottage said...

Poor poor Bill...

;-)

((((Sue)))))
I bet even under those circumstances you charmed your guests and they enjoyed their time with you... mop and all!

xo,
Kim

sea mystery said...

Since you were all exhausted and sweaty and not feeling your best when the guest arrived, I think Bill should ... give you one hellacious gift certificate to a day spa. Bill? Are you listening man? She loves you and she's worth it. Oh, and Bill? Be a good guy, cook up something nice and do a little cleaning. Always a prize winner, dude. xxoo

Meggie said...

I think I would have run out the back door and directly into the woods. You're my hero, Susie! At 35 I would have been a raving lunatic, at 58...ahhh, so what?! Easy for me to say, I know. I think you deserve something made of carbon that's really shiny...

Terri said...

Oh my gosh! LOL And Germans too! The cleanest people on the face of the earth!

Glad you ALL survived!

bj said...

OMGosh, girlfriend...I have soooo been there; done that. I know JUST how you must have felt and my heart goes out to you!! Truly!!
Someone mentioned you should get a fabulous piece of jewelry out of this...I say, "Go look at new cars!"
Did it turn out ok???
love, bj

Sandi McBride said...

Breakfast in bed for a month...a different piece of NEW jewelry each and every day...and it must be a month with 31 days in it...if not, make up the difference by a week and make it one with 37 days...and let him live...for now...
hugs
Sandi

-Jennifer said...

Oh my god, I think I would've taken the closet, and my husband would've been in the dog house, as I truly believe Bill is and still might be.
Yeah, I get the sweat trickle down the spine too, lovely isn't it?

PAT said...

What a story! Loved it, even though it was very hectic for you!

Hoping you have a lovely restful weekend, dear Sue!

Pat

Rose Mary said...

What can I say? Bless your heart~but you got through it! Hope the visit went well afterall!

R~Mary

justabeachkat said...

Oh.My.Word! Is he still alive? Make him pay dearly. Dinners out...foot massages...jewelry...trips....... etc. LOL

Gosh, what happened is something I've always feared. Lesson learned. You will survive.

Hugs!
Kat

Melissa said...

Oh no - what a mixup? (I'm assuming a mixup, could've been something else entirely.)

Thank goodness for Kipper - at least he was there to alert you of the impending arrival!

Virginia said...

Poor you, what a nightmare. But this are the experienced that makes us laugh later on. I sarted a Blog and I put yours in my favorite places to visit. You are very funy.

DebraK from ~the Bunnies Bungalow~ said...

I would not have opened the door! How DID you survive that?

In a few years it will be a great funny story....I hope, Hugs, DebraK

Brenda said...

Oh my you poor baby. I would kill my hubby im sure. I bet it wasn't that bad though. Your house looks great all the time.

Firefly Nights said...

Never trust a man regarding a date or time unless you verify it.

In your situation, I wouldn't have opened the door. They could have gone somewhere, assuming you weren't home, and it would have bought you enough time to clean yourself up and throw things out of the main living area.

What an awful experience for you.

Rue said...

OMG Sue.... It's a wonder Bill's still alive. He is right?

Lynn@ The Vintage Nest said...

Oh Susie, I am still chuckling. I know it wasn't funny at the time and I can imagine how mad you were at DH....but I can't help but laugh. Guys would never understand how distressing that was. You poor thing...xo Lynn