Dear Susie Q,
Oh my dear girl. Once again I am writing to you about your Christmas wish list. Tsk tsk Susie. We go though this every year now don't we? You always request the same gift and each year I have to take the time from my all too busy schedule to explain why that gift is NOT possible! My dearest girl...even IF I COULD bring Brian Dennehy to you on Christmas Eve, he would never fit into your stocking. Even YOUR stockings my precious rotund lady. Now, don't be offended...I myself am a tubby. I understand tubby but he ain't fittin' in even YOUR plus sized leg wear.
Come to think about it, Brian is a BIG man! Getting him down that chimney of yours would be impossible so that is another problem. My bad back just would not be able to do it...years of being out in the cold, flying all over the world...oooh how it aches. But let's get back to the issue at hand.
Let's be honest little Missy. Brian is a married man with children and grandchildren! And may I remind YOU that YOU are a married woman with children? A middle aged woman with children I might add. Sheesh! Don't you think the poor man would like to spend the holidays with THEM and NOT with you ogling him? And just how were you planning to explain to Billy boy how Brian just happened to be left under your tree? Hmmm?
I will admit that
although Mrs. Claus finds Mr. D. quite a dish, she much prefers Justin Timberlake. Mrs. C. digs those younger, pretty guys...um..well...ahem...but SHE ain't gettin' Justin in HER stocking anymore than YOU are gettin' Mr. D. in yours!Capiche?
Let's face it, it's also a fact that you have been more than a little naughty this year so a big lump of coal might just be a more appropriate gift than a big hunk of man.
So, have a happy holiday season Susie Q. Suck up this annual Yuletide disappointment and be of good cheer. If I see Brian I will be sure to warn him about you...er...I mean...um...give him your love.
Your old pal,