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Friday, November 28, 2008

An Open Letter From Santa

Dear Susie Q,
Oh my dear girl. Once again I am writing to you about your Christmas wish list. Tsk tsk Susie. We go though this every year now don't we? You always request the same gift and each year I have to take the time from my all too busy schedule to explain why that gift is NOT possible! My dearest girl...even IF I COULD bring Brian Dennehy to you on Christmas Eve, he would never fit into your stocking. Even YOUR stockings my precious rotund lady. Now, don't be offended...I myself am a tubby. I understand tubby but he ain't fittin' in even YOUR plus sized leg wear.
Come to think about it, Brian is a BIG man! Getting him down that chimney of yours would be impossible so that is another problem. My bad back just would not be able to do it...years of being out in the cold, flying all over the world...oooh how it aches. But let's get back to the issue at hand.
Let's be honest little Missy. Brian is a married man with children and grandchildren! And may I remind YOU that YOU are a married woman with children? A middle aged woman with children I might add. Sheesh! Don't you think the poor man would like to spend the holidays with THEM and NOT with you ogling him? And just how were you planning to explain to Billy boy how Brian just happened to be left under your tree? Hmmm?
I will admit that
although Mrs. Claus finds Mr. D. quite a dish, she much prefers Justin Timberlake. Mrs. C. digs those younger, pretty guys...um..well...ahem...but SHE ain't gettin' Justin in HER stocking anymore than YOU are gettin' Mr. D. in yours!
Capiche?
Let's face it, it's also a fact that you have been more than a little naughty this year so a big lump of coal might just be a more appropriate gift than a big hunk of man.
So, have a happy holiday season Susie Q. Suck up this annual Yuletide disappointment and be of good cheer. If I see Brian I will be sure to warn him about you...er...I mean...um...give him your love.
Your old pal,
Santa Claus

13 comments:

SmilingSally said...

lol lol good one

Melissa said...

Guess he won't have to check his list twice for you, will he?

Bonnie said...

What a great blog. You are so crazy. I hope you and your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Maybe if you're a little nicer next year(I don't know how that could be possible, seeing that your are one of the nicest people I know), Santa may reconsider.

Harbor Hon said...

So, I guess if he turned down your letter for the Big D, he'll turn mine down for Sweet Baby James. Oh pooh! And I was really good this year too! You should frame that letter from Santa. :) xxoo

Salmagundi said...

Oh dear, disappointment at Christmas time, once again. Oh well, as the old guy in the red suit says - guess we just have to suck it up!! What's 2nd on your wish list??? Sally

Andi said...

Just how naughty have you been this year??? I do think you should at "least" get a little visit from your dear Brian! And that comes from me...the Queen...and I know because my pantyhose say so!!!

Janet said...

Hmmmm....all these years we have been taught that Santa is, and I quote, "a right, jolly old elf", seems he may really be a bit of a curmudgeon. Perhaps it is time for him to hang up his sleigh and let someone younger take over...perhaps Justin Timberlake. That ought to make Mrs. Claus happy at least.

Love,
Janet

Terri Steffes said...

Santa has this one all wrong. Brian would love to see pictures of all your trips and eat your good food and snuggle up with you once or twice by the fireplace... married man or not!

Anything else on your wish list?

Anonymous said...

LOL....LOL...Susie you are so cute!

Carole Burant said...

Tsk! Tsk! I TOLD you to be nice all year, and not do anything NAUGHTY!! See? This is what happens. You thought you could fool ol' Santa but he was able to see all those naughty things you did. Will you never learn??? hehe Oh...wait...does this mean I won't be getting Johnny Depp under my tree...you think Santa saw when I was naughty????? Oh nooooooo.......I'm all depressed now! lol xoxo

Neabear said...

So funny! Maybe you should come up with something different on your wish list that perhaps Santa would be able to bring you. Hmm....now what would that be? What can take the place of Brian?

Jeanie said...

All I can say is I love it!

Meggie said...

Too cute! Pay no attention to Santa...keep on dreaming, Sue. Nothing wrong with mature women dreaming a little. You have lots of company, for sure! Thanks for the tip on Australia. I'll have to see it real soon.